Independent sleep: a skill that is supported and learned

Independent sleep doesn’t mean leaving your baby alone — it means guiding them with calm, secure routines. Ainhoa Baucells (@enfermedadesbebe) shares how to approach it with respect and awareness.

Ainhoa explains that when we talk about independent sleep, it’s important to break down a common misconception: it’s not about “leaving the child alone” or forcing them to cry themselves to sleep, but rather about supporting the learning of a new skill — just like we do with any other developmental milestone.

Sleep involves separation, trust, and self-regulation. And none of this happens overnight — it’s built gradually, step by step.

The Importance of What Happens Before Sleep

Sleep doesn’t begin when a child closes their eyes — it starts much earlier, ideally around two hours before bedtime.

This time has a clear goal: to prepare the body and brain for rest. It’s not about “doing things to make them sleep,” but about gently lowering stimulation levels so the body can transition into sleep mode naturally.

A consistent, predictable routine helps the child’s nervous system anticipate what’s coming next. And when the brain knows what to expect, it relaxes. Relaxation is what truly supports sleep.

Bedtime Routine: Structure and Calm

Each family’s routine may look a little different, but there are some elements that often work well:

1. Bath time

Not essential from a hygiene perspective, but incredibly helpful as a ritual. Warm water, gentle touch, and daily repetition all act as clear signals that the day is winding down.

2. Dinner

This should be a calm, unrushed moment with soft lighting. Avoiding screens and strong stimuli helps prevent overstimulation before bed.

3. Hygiene and care

Brushing teeth and putting on the molis&co sleeping bag (@molisandco). These simple, repeated gestures offer children a sense of security and structure before sleep.

4. Storytime (depending on age)

For older children, stories can be a lovely way to end the day.

For children under 2, however, stories often stimulate more than they soothe — so Ainhoa doesn’t usually recommend them at this age.

5. Lights off and a final sleep cue

As bedtime nears, dim the lights. A soft nightlight can be used if needed, but for children without fear of the dark, total darkness from early on supports melatonin production.

A short lullaby — ideally the same one or two each night — can be a powerful cue for the brain that it’s time to sleep.

The goal of this routine isn’t to make the child sleep, but to guide them into a calm enough state that allows sleep to come naturally.

Falling asleep isn’t just about being tired — it’s about being internally ready. And when body and brain arrive at sleep in that state, rest tends to be deeper, more restorative, and marked by fewer night wakings.

Reaching Independent Sleep: Repetition and Support

Learning to sleep independently is a process of repetition — not resistance.

If your goal is for your child to fall asleep in their crib, the first step is simply to start the same way every day: enter the room, help them relax, and place them in the crib — observing whether they’re able to fall asleep there that day.

If not, pause, respond to their needs, and help them fall asleep in whatever way they need. Then try again the next day.

With time, the child begins to integrate this learning.

The same idea applies to falling asleep without a specific aid like breastfeeding or a bottle. The key isn’t to remove the aid all at once, but to gently create some distance between the aid and the exact moment of falling asleep — introducing new forms of support along the way.

If one day it doesn’t work, go back to the usual support — and try again the next night.

It’s not about eliminating all sleep supports, but rather about broadening the child’s toolkit so they can discover, little by little, that they’re also capable of falling asleep in new ways.

This is how the path to independent sleep is built — gradually, gently, and with connection.